Dating means different things to different people. For some, it’s a pursuit for love, and for others, it’s a quick hook-up over Tinder. Some people don’t even like to call a date a date. I understand why many people get frustrated with the idea of dating, or why they would rather focus on something they can control, like a career. They have decided they just don’t want to invest in dating anymore. It starts to feel easier to put everything else first and leave romance for later.

I was talking with a single woman in her late twenties the other day, who confided in me that her career meant everything to her. She had no time for dating, let alone a relationship. While I admire her ambition, is this really a healthy approach? Should we have to choose one or the other: love or career? I think it’s an excuse, and many women are afraid of forming a bond with someone else. They worry it will take away their independence or blur the sense of self they worked hard to build.

That fear can prevent us from experiencing all life has to offer. Sure, not every relationship is going to last. But what about the regret of not trying at all, of fearing real intimacy? We might pretend we don’t need other people, but we do. We all long for human connection, and we all long to give love and receive it. Career satisfaction is not enough by itself. A full life usually asks for more than achievement. It asks for closeness, risk, and the possibility of being known.

I think it’s important to acknowledge what’s missing in dating right now. We are planning our dating lives like we plan a monthly budget, but life doesn’t care about our timelines. It has its own agenda, and we should be open to the opportunities right in front of us. Maybe it’s time to invest in dating again and enjoy a little intimacy right now, instead of waiting for some perfect future moment. The right person rarely arrives on schedule.